“Open your mouth boy, show me your teeth…”

It’s funny how people can associate memories with so many senses, but when it comes to remembering pain, the memories are mostly far from accurate. That’s probably why you get people who keep going back for more plastic surgery regardless of how bruised they were the time before, or why some people overdo the whole tattoo thing, to the point where one can not even see the “canvas” anymore.

My wisdom teeth extraction experience, was rather… er… ouchie. One thing I can tell you, while it’s still fresh in my memory, is that it was/is bloody painful. Exactly how cut-up and stitched gums should feel, I suppose.

On my arrival I was told to put on a hospital gown and a gosh-forsaken-giant-paper-excuse for a pair of underwear. (Why-oh-why this was nessecary for teeth extraction, I’ll never know…) If I was ever on a season of Survivor, these two items would be what I would bring with me. I could probably effectively create a treehouse, a life raft and a parachute out of them. (AND  also paper mache myself  a Sony Playstation 3)

The cast of “The hills have eyes” must have had a day trip to the hospital yesterday too… The first guy-nurse I saw, had one side of his upper lip stuck above his teeth and twitched his whole face every few seconds. His eyes were never looking in the same direction and when he wheeled me into the theatre, he left me with a “Good luuuuuck….”, like a creepy hillbilly zombie would say before seasoning me up for dinner. I nearly hopped out of bed and ran shrieking down the hospital halls.

I then drifted off to anesthetically enhanced sleep with the sound of my ancient anesthesiologist shouting at the nurse for strapping down my arm wrong. My body was asleep, but my brain was freaking out. Luckily, my brain joined the rest of my body shortly afterwards and even though I fell asleep to less than ideal surroundings, everything went quite well and I woke up to numb lips and a not much but a shitty-ass pain in the back of my mouth.

By the time the nurses had strapped fifty ice-packs to my face and had fed me jelly and ice-cream, I had become nicely swollen. (Obviously the perfect opportunity for my dad to take a few photos on his iPhone. – Fan-frikken-tastic)

Since then, my face has swollen even more and I kind of resemble the Godfather. My little sister is convinced I look like Theodore, from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Which is cool, because he’s just adorable. But I’m pretty sure I look  more like the love-child of Aunt Marge from Harry Potter and Billy Butcherson from Hocus Pocus.


As, author and poet, Tobias Smollett once said ” Some folk are wise, and some are otherwise.”

So true Tobias, so true…

I leave you on this note, with a frikken good Lady Gaga track which didn’t really get much airtime on the radio… My favourite one though. “Teeth”




About Zozette

Maker/Procrastinator. www.zozette.com

6 responses to ““Open your mouth boy, show me your teeth…”

  1. Ariana

    That was really funny, i felt as if i was in the hospital bed with you getting my wisdom’s out! BRILLIANT. And yes you do look as cute as Theadore 😉

  2. You know, having my wisdoms out was hands down one of the worst experiences of my life. Thankfully, you only have to do it once… and since you’re done, you can join the rest of us at laughing at the poor bastards who still have to do it.

    HAHAHA. Poor bastards. HAHA.

    Er, so, nice post china!

    • It was, frankly, quite a shiteous recovery.
      And what annoyed me the most, were all the stories I heard from others about an almost pain-free experience! I mean seriously.
      The pain is mostly gone now though and I can officially say that my chipmunk cheeks have become hamster cheeks.
      But you are correct.

      HAHAHAHA! Poor bastards. Haha.


  3. Danielle Balsaras

    HAHA!!! HA!

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